As I was riding the #1 red line to the Riverside Memorial Chapel on the upper west side of NYC last Friday, it was an opportunity for reflection on the life and shared experiences of my long time mentor, colleague, partner, and dear friend Burton Marks. We had known each other for 28 years.
On the subway, one that Burt rode often, I was thinking about how short life is, how rare it is to meet someone of Burt’s stature and humanity, how fortunate I was to have known Burt (and his family), and what he would want for myself and others to learn from his life. I was also reflecting on how inadequate the human language is to describe someone of Burt’s character and being.
The words
There are words – many of them shared at the memorial service: Burt was kind, empathetic, curious, engaged with life, smart, intuitive, empowering, incredibly observant, gracious, and as his sons Daniel and Paul, and daughter Lisa, all shared – comfortable in his own skin.
Fighting composure, I found it impossible to put my own words to the essence of Burt. I do horribly at passing’s – especially of one so close. Presence is what he would have wanted – I think.
But, like many others, I have wonderful remembrances of Burt. Here are a few.
Remembrances
Burt’s wit and humor was legendary. It was quick and well delivered. It was designed to illuminate – at which it was most often spectacularly successful. If you were engaged with Burt it helped to bring your “humble”.
Burt was accomplished in business – both fair and firm. He was a consummate negotiator. In fact, our relationship began after I was on the other side of a lease negotiation and he of course got absolutely everything that he wanted. It wasn’t a contest. It was a clinic.
There was a lot about that first negotiation that is metaphorical for life – Burt came into the office with a bag of sweets from Tin City (a Naples landmark that he famously owned). He put the sweets in the center of the table, sharing with everyone, and worked to establish the right ambience. He then set the expectations of what he wanted.
And then masterfully Burt said almost nothing – for 20 minutes. He did not say another word – letting us negotiate against ourselves until we ended up exactly where he wanted us. He was the master of the long silence – with which he was completely comfortable, but made everyone else crazy. He then congratulated all of us for doing exactly what he wanted. And we all congratulated ourselves for giving him exactly what he wanted.
For whatever reason Burt later called me to work with him. My working hypothesis is that he thought that I might be “teachable”. Whatever his motivation, I saw it as an amazing opportunity to learn from one of the best. He was different than anyone who I had ever met in my family experience or young career.
Over time, Burt had an indelible impact on my business career, and more importantly my life. He changed the trajectory.
Burt and his wife of 57 years, Emily, introduced me to New York City and the amazing diversity and depth of the City. Burt and I would run from meeting to meeting in the subway. I was from the Midwest with a stereotypical view of the “big city”. (Could not have been more wrong about that). It was a learning process that provided dimension to my world view – orchestrated by the consummate New Yorker.
Burt was a master at the art of the possible. He was both a realist and an idealist wrapped into one. He rarely suggested that something could not be done, but focused on what it would take to be successful. Burt was unbounded. Where others might be critics, Burt would enable. He would literally paint the picture and synthesize “what might be in the way”.
Burt convinced me to leave my first career in law, as he had, to follow my entrepreneurial passions. As he understood well, though a wonderful education, law is the domain of rules and conflict. Entrepreneurs are builders.
That led to us founding Neighborhood America. I remember it like yesterday sitting in a restaurant in San Francisco off of Market. I was worried that at 42 I was too old to start a new career – he wasn’t buying it. Thank gosh!
Burt always was cognizant of social purpose and though ahead of its time, Neighborhood America represented that harmony of business and social values. From Burt, I learned that it is possible to do well in business and to do well in life – always treating everyone with respect.
Burt was instrumental in introducing us to the Municipal Arts Society. With MAS, we designed and built the global community for the design and redesign of the World Trade Center after 9-11 “Imagine New York” and similarly went on to do much the same for the Statue of Liberty and Flight 93 communities.
Burt was also the path to many other leaders. Wonderful, amazing human beings in their own right. Foremost among these was John O’Neil – who Burt properly described as “The Grey Eminence of Silicon Valley”. As Burt said: “I run with business leaders, John runs with Kings and Queens”. John was and is the grey eminence of Silicon Valley, but he too – like Burt – has spent a big part of his life elevating others to embrace empathetic, effective leadership. (Got it!)
And most of all – Burt’s business success never took a back seat to his commitment to family. He was so proud and supportive of his wife Emily (an incredibly accomplished leader in her own right), his children Paul, Dan, and Lisa and his several grandchildren who he absolutely adored. Regardless of what else might be going on he always had time to share their stories too. They were a foundation – a perpetual motivation – for his joy, his laughter, his reason for being.
Paul Marks, Burt’s eldest son, elegantly framed Burt’s life as one of engaging with many communities. And that was so true. Burt had more true friends than you can imagine. There was no person too “small” or “unimportant” for him to engage with. He knew everyone’s story. And they knew his. He had the most eclectic group of friends – a crazy collection. And he touched them all. For his Naples community – the orbit was the merchants and community of Tin City and later the workforce of Neighborhood America. But there were many others.
Lessons learned
There are many lessons to be learned from knowing Burt and experiencing his wisdom and zest for life. Many of them are illustrated in the shared narrative above – importance of family, harmony of business career with social view, the importance of prioritizing values, inclusiveness, and many others.
What stands out, what made Burt a leader amongst leaders, and a transcendent human was that Burt freely shared his spirit. He was not formulaic. He was not mechanical. He “felt something”, he cared, in every aspect of his life. He was alive.
We only get the opportunity of having so many “Burts” in our life. There are only a few who are willing to share of themselves in a way that sheds some light on our life path – to provide guidance and a shared experience that endures.
As one of my good friends often says: “The measure of success is not what you do for yourself, but what you do for others”. By that axiom, Burt was incredibly successful.
I know that there are many who were touched by Burt Marks. I am just so thankful to Burt and his family to be one of them.
Lessons learned my friend! Safe travels!
